I found it! The perfect essay for us:
http://chronicle.com/article/The-Marriage-Paradox/144821/?cid=wb&utm_source=wb&utm_medium=en
Please read it and comment. I love the paradox, the Buddhist influence, the existential threads, the fundamental truth of human existence -- that we do love, and sometimes it is shaped by reason, but also by virtue. It makes us our most despicable when it goes badly, but it brings out our sweet, clear, harmonious, best selves when it goes well. We should also talk about freedom within relationships as well, I think. We flirted with this idea last week or the week before -- especially that sexual monogamy is fundamental for so many of us, yet so many of us cheat.
Pretty much sums up the age old fact: love is insane, and we're insane enough to go through with it because it would be insane for us to avoid it.
ReplyDeleteInteresting article, and I really liked what the Buddhist said about romantic relationships and how when they happen, they happen. It's surprising how many people spend so much time focusing on trying to get into a relationship and get married, when perhaps they weren't ready or it was with the wrong person to begin with. A lot of people seem to be afraid to be alone, and place higher expectations on themselves as well as their partners, when there shouldn't be expectations.
ReplyDeleteThe section about getting married and how it can be good practice for freeing oneself from selfish cravings relates to another article I read a while back on how we are to put our partners needs ahead of our own. It helps with working together, understanding one another better, and being able to have a more successful relationship. As this article said, both people are free, you don't know what the other person may or may not do.
I enjoyed this article. We believe the lies we are told because they comfort us. We have been socialized to always want the feel good aspect of life and never want to feel pain. We are told a lie, we know its a lie, and we have two options:argue it or let it go? If the lie is nothing to severe why should we fight it? But if we don't fight it, we send the message that it is ok to lie at any level.
ReplyDeleteCould our culture really handle the truth that is out there?
Why would someone get married three times???? I ask my husband that a lot, I am his fourth wife.
I thought it was interesting to read this article and from my perspective i believe we seek marriage or a lifelong partnership so that we will not be alone. And it is from that companionship and life long friendship that we can count on for consistent encouragement in whatever we are pursuing.
ReplyDeleteHaving said this I do not believe that divorce is a solution to marital problems and that if two people have agreed to spend their entire lives together then they should be able to overcome any differences and problems that arise between them.
I agree with you that one of the driving forces in someone wanting to be with someone is that as a society we are so afraid of being alone. As for the divorce thing, extenuating circumstances do happen. So under those circumstances, divorce may be the only option. That being said, if there were none of those circumstances, then a divorce shouldn't be looked at as a solution. It is important to work through those problems.
DeleteIt is always interesting to read things like this. Growing up we are told that one day we will meet this amazing person who we will grow very close to and if we are lucky, be able to spend the rest of our lives with them. I agree with Jacob that we seek a partner so that we don't have to be alone. We seek a partner to share all the good that happens in our life and someone to always be there to pick us up when things don't go our way. Some people rush into the decisions while others do not. But it is always important to try and remember what made you want to share everything with this person in time of hardship. It is always important to not give up and do everything in your power to make it work.
ReplyDeleteI found this really interesting to read. I agree that we seek for a partner to be around because being alone would not be fun. We want someone to share our happy moments with and we also want someone to have during the tough times. I agree with the point he makes about people becoming used to what they have and wanting to seek something differently. I do feel like people get used to what they have, but then they take what they have for granted and do not really appreciate what they have. I feel it is very important that people appreciate what they have and always try and look at the next day as a new day with new people. Therefore they will feel a re-enchantment everyday and not try to seek it.
ReplyDelete